When I became more serious about writing, I intended it to be used to build my relationship with God. I wanted to use it as a way to grow and understand what it means to me to be a Christian. There are many times I lose sight of that and it can be difficult to find my voice again.
I have felt more disconnected to God lately and I am really wanting to turn that around so I thought the best place to start would be here. Earlier this year, BJ and I really focused on our marriage through our faith. I felt like we opened up to each other more and became less defensive towards each other. It was a nice change! I was praying more, I was reading more, I really felt like I was growing closer to God.
Then what? Life got away from me. I became too busy to write, too busy to read, too busy to pray. I can honestly say I've been more tense these last couple of weeks because I let myself become "too busy". There were even some days that I just wanted to shut my brain off and not think about anything and yet I was thinking about EVERYTHING and accomplishing NOTHING!
So here I am, back at the drawing board to reach deeper into myself to build that relationship again, with God, with the people that I love. I have started writing my daily bible verses hoping to bring them to this blog. I have started praying more hoping to find more time to have one-on-one time with God. I still have a ways to go but I hope I continue on this path.
There's too much evil going on in the world. I really want to fight like hell to keep hold of my faith so I can find good in the world and teach my kids to focus on what is good.
Dear God, I am sorry I have let myself become distant from You. Help guide me through this life towards you. Amen
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Thursday, June 9, 2016
One on One
BJ and I have three children. We love them all unconditionally, no question, but there are times when it can be overwhelming. They are 5, 3 1/2, and 1 which are all great but energy consuming ages. Most days I find it hard to keep up with them and if I manage to, I immediately want to crash as soon as they go to bed. Some days they can really drive me crazy but I found something that helps keep the sanity...one-on-one time.
I rarely get the chance to hang out with each kiddo one-on-one. It's tough to do when BJ can't be around a whole lot and when schedules just seem to get busier and busier, but when I do get those chances it is so much fun!
When you become a parent, one of the biggest pieces of advice is to find time for yourself. I completely agree that you need to have your own time but honestly, I think spending one-on-one time with each child is even more of a sanity saver. Especially for moms, as we tend to have separation anxiety and guilt whenever we step out of the house. It's good to know when you need to be alone but to build a relationship with my kids is so much more important to me.
The toughest part is finding time to be with each child. More times than not, I don't even plan for it. That's another thing, I think as moms we feel like we need to have elaborate getaways with our kids to make good memories with them when really it can be as simple as running to the store with one of them or spending a few extra minutes after a doctor's appointment to hang out. I feel like in the long run, they appreciate those more, that you took an extra minute to make sure their recent shot doesn't hurt anymore. I know not every time can work out this way but even once in a blue moon is a step in the right direction. Now, I'm not saying coddle them, that can easily make things worse for all involved! But to be present and to let them know you're here for them.
My best friend has a great quote she gives her kids and I find myself thinking of it often. When her oldest comes to her with a concern he will ask, "Can I tell you something?" and she will always respond with, "You can tell me anything". I love it. Something so simple just to let them know that you are there for them whether it be big or small. My other favorite quote on being engaged with you kids is "Be there for the small stuff because to your children, the small stuff is big. It'll make them want to come to you when the real big stuff starts". I admit I'm not always the best at listening to their every complaint (and I wonder where they get the not listening from) but I'm trying.
Oliver and I seem to have had a lot more opportunities to spend time together with his pre-ops and dental surgery and post-ops. BJ doesn't handle the medical side of things so it's usually me that is taking them which gives us some alone time. Oliver is a pretty cool kid. He has crazy energy and is a bit whiny but when you get him one-on-one he is so sweet and funny. He talks a mile a minute and is so amazed at things I take for granted as an adult.
Nora has taken up a lot of my time as she is the baby and has been hooked to my side for over a year. Our to-do lists revolve around her at the moment as she is the neediest. Love her to death but there are many days I refer to her as a stage-5 clinger because it's impossible to get anything done without her crying to be held. But she makes up for it in kisses and snuggles!
Brynn has been harder to find moments with. I had to take away her grocery shopping privilege due to her recent behavior at the store making it even tougher. We did find time to go the library today, just the two of us, which was good. She can be so sweet when she and Oliver aren't fighting and when she's not competing for attention with Nora. You can definitely tell Brynn is a middle child and I'm trying to remember to include her for more things. She has such a tender heart and loves to help others. She is going to be the one I feel I will butt heads with as she grows up. Good thing I'm learning to keep my cool now!
When I see how difficult it is to spend time with each kiddo, plus alone time, plus time with BJ, plus work, plus normal day to day duties, it's easy to see where it can be overwhelming! And I only have three kids! So my best advice is to not get so caught up in what others are doing parenting-wise or if other kids behave differently than yours. In the end we are all just trying to make it through the next 18 years without screwing them up too badly and keeping hold of whatever sanity we have left. The best thing I can do for my children is to love them and show them how to love others. The world is ugly out there. I want them to know that I am here for them and they don't need to be ugly, hurtful people to get through this life. Be kind.
Dear God, Thank you for our three amazing children and for our baby that was able to be with you early, we still think of him/her often. Help us to become good parents and good role-models in your eyes showing our children what it means to love and not to become distracted by our short comings. Amen
I rarely get the chance to hang out with each kiddo one-on-one. It's tough to do when BJ can't be around a whole lot and when schedules just seem to get busier and busier, but when I do get those chances it is so much fun!
When you become a parent, one of the biggest pieces of advice is to find time for yourself. I completely agree that you need to have your own time but honestly, I think spending one-on-one time with each child is even more of a sanity saver. Especially for moms, as we tend to have separation anxiety and guilt whenever we step out of the house. It's good to know when you need to be alone but to build a relationship with my kids is so much more important to me.
The toughest part is finding time to be with each child. More times than not, I don't even plan for it. That's another thing, I think as moms we feel like we need to have elaborate getaways with our kids to make good memories with them when really it can be as simple as running to the store with one of them or spending a few extra minutes after a doctor's appointment to hang out. I feel like in the long run, they appreciate those more, that you took an extra minute to make sure their recent shot doesn't hurt anymore. I know not every time can work out this way but even once in a blue moon is a step in the right direction. Now, I'm not saying coddle them, that can easily make things worse for all involved! But to be present and to let them know you're here for them.
My best friend has a great quote she gives her kids and I find myself thinking of it often. When her oldest comes to her with a concern he will ask, "Can I tell you something?" and she will always respond with, "You can tell me anything". I love it. Something so simple just to let them know that you are there for them whether it be big or small. My other favorite quote on being engaged with you kids is "Be there for the small stuff because to your children, the small stuff is big. It'll make them want to come to you when the real big stuff starts". I admit I'm not always the best at listening to their every complaint (and I wonder where they get the not listening from) but I'm trying.
Oliver and I seem to have had a lot more opportunities to spend time together with his pre-ops and dental surgery and post-ops. BJ doesn't handle the medical side of things so it's usually me that is taking them which gives us some alone time. Oliver is a pretty cool kid. He has crazy energy and is a bit whiny but when you get him one-on-one he is so sweet and funny. He talks a mile a minute and is so amazed at things I take for granted as an adult.
Nora has taken up a lot of my time as she is the baby and has been hooked to my side for over a year. Our to-do lists revolve around her at the moment as she is the neediest. Love her to death but there are many days I refer to her as a stage-5 clinger because it's impossible to get anything done without her crying to be held. But she makes up for it in kisses and snuggles!
Brynn has been harder to find moments with. I had to take away her grocery shopping privilege due to her recent behavior at the store making it even tougher. We did find time to go the library today, just the two of us, which was good. She can be so sweet when she and Oliver aren't fighting and when she's not competing for attention with Nora. You can definitely tell Brynn is a middle child and I'm trying to remember to include her for more things. She has such a tender heart and loves to help others. She is going to be the one I feel I will butt heads with as she grows up. Good thing I'm learning to keep my cool now!
When I see how difficult it is to spend time with each kiddo, plus alone time, plus time with BJ, plus work, plus normal day to day duties, it's easy to see where it can be overwhelming! And I only have three kids! So my best advice is to not get so caught up in what others are doing parenting-wise or if other kids behave differently than yours. In the end we are all just trying to make it through the next 18 years without screwing them up too badly and keeping hold of whatever sanity we have left. The best thing I can do for my children is to love them and show them how to love others. The world is ugly out there. I want them to know that I am here for them and they don't need to be ugly, hurtful people to get through this life. Be kind.
Dear God, Thank you for our three amazing children and for our baby that was able to be with you early, we still think of him/her often. Help us to become good parents and good role-models in your eyes showing our children what it means to love and not to become distracted by our short comings. Amen
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
Good Moments
Do you ever have one of those days where everything falls into place. Where things align the way you need them to and stress seems to melt away? Today was one of those days for me.
I know a couple days ago I posted about being so stressed out over a bump in the road. Stressing over something that I didn't know if it would work out or not. Well, thankfully, God grants us new days. Days to start over. Days to have a new perspective. Days to trust in Him that all will be okay. Our dilemma was worked out. Am I still upset that it had to happen in the first place? Absolutely. But all I can do is pray that we don't have to deal with that again and that I will be more diligent to NOT LET it happen again. Because I am so done with dealing with that kind of stuff.
No, I won't go into specifics because not all things need to be shared. If you feel like you need to know what it was, think of something that has happened in your life more than you'd like to admit. Something that you've had to fight through, organize through, adapt through. Think of that and think of how stressed you were to get through it. How you held your breath waiting for those moments to pass and to see the light on the other side. If you have never had one of those moments, THEN you can judge me for being dramatic or for being so stressed when it seemed to have worked out fine. I'm only human.
Solving that dilemma was a good part of today. I felt relief, not defeat. I felt like God was there guiding me to find the solution. Like I said, I hope this does not occur again but to know that God is in my corner really does lift the weight off of my shoulders and give me hope that I can beat this and I can find a way to stay on top of things.
Another thing about today, this is my first week at my new schedule and I am LOVING it! Already I don't feel as strung out when I get home. I feel more relaxed and that I can just enjoy what's going on around me rather than rush through the evening. Now, don't get me wrong, I have had moments of frustration with the kids not listening as well as I would like them to, but it hasn't been near as bad as past moments.
I really do hope it continues to feel this way and becomes even better. I'm trying not to get to caught up in schedules and just letting the kids and I enjoy the summer and enjoy spending some extra time together. That will all come into play soon enough when school starts up again.
Today was just a good day and I want to share that feeling with others. That even though everyday might not be a good day, hang on to and enjoy the ones that are. Don't feel like a bad day has to run into all subsequent days. It's okay to start fresh and find the good in your day, whatever that may be!
Dear God, Thank you for allowing me to feel your presence today. Help me to continue on your path and to not get so wrapped up in what's going wrong but focusing on what is feeling right. Amen
I know a couple days ago I posted about being so stressed out over a bump in the road. Stressing over something that I didn't know if it would work out or not. Well, thankfully, God grants us new days. Days to start over. Days to have a new perspective. Days to trust in Him that all will be okay. Our dilemma was worked out. Am I still upset that it had to happen in the first place? Absolutely. But all I can do is pray that we don't have to deal with that again and that I will be more diligent to NOT LET it happen again. Because I am so done with dealing with that kind of stuff.
No, I won't go into specifics because not all things need to be shared. If you feel like you need to know what it was, think of something that has happened in your life more than you'd like to admit. Something that you've had to fight through, organize through, adapt through. Think of that and think of how stressed you were to get through it. How you held your breath waiting for those moments to pass and to see the light on the other side. If you have never had one of those moments, THEN you can judge me for being dramatic or for being so stressed when it seemed to have worked out fine. I'm only human.
Solving that dilemma was a good part of today. I felt relief, not defeat. I felt like God was there guiding me to find the solution. Like I said, I hope this does not occur again but to know that God is in my corner really does lift the weight off of my shoulders and give me hope that I can beat this and I can find a way to stay on top of things.
Another thing about today, this is my first week at my new schedule and I am LOVING it! Already I don't feel as strung out when I get home. I feel more relaxed and that I can just enjoy what's going on around me rather than rush through the evening. Now, don't get me wrong, I have had moments of frustration with the kids not listening as well as I would like them to, but it hasn't been near as bad as past moments.
I really do hope it continues to feel this way and becomes even better. I'm trying not to get to caught up in schedules and just letting the kids and I enjoy the summer and enjoy spending some extra time together. That will all come into play soon enough when school starts up again.
Today was just a good day and I want to share that feeling with others. That even though everyday might not be a good day, hang on to and enjoy the ones that are. Don't feel like a bad day has to run into all subsequent days. It's okay to start fresh and find the good in your day, whatever that may be!
Dear God, Thank you for allowing me to feel your presence today. Help me to continue on your path and to not get so wrapped up in what's going wrong but focusing on what is feeling right. Amen
Monday, June 6, 2016
Never Easy
Things in life can never be easy. There's always a surprise that puts a hiccup in your plans. I am in that hiccup.
I say to myself, "It will all work out" and "stay calm" and "God will get you through it".....But there are some days it all sounds like bullshit. It's not like I've never been in this situation and we haven't made it through those times, but this time around I feel extra vulnerable.
There's nothing I can do but wait, and hope and pray that it ends up being not as bad as I thought. I feel like this has been a never ending battle and the most frustrating thing is that it is all on me. I did this. I ignored this. And now we are paying for it. It depresses me, it drains me and I don't know what to do.
I remind myself that others have it worse off than us. I try to take deep breaths. I try to pray. Sometimes all that feels so short lived. Quick relief for a sickening feeling.
Today I feel defeated. I wish I had the words today but I just can't.
Dear God, give me strength and courage to get through this difficult time. Help me to trust in You that it will work out. Amen
I say to myself, "It will all work out" and "stay calm" and "God will get you through it".....But there are some days it all sounds like bullshit. It's not like I've never been in this situation and we haven't made it through those times, but this time around I feel extra vulnerable.
There's nothing I can do but wait, and hope and pray that it ends up being not as bad as I thought. I feel like this has been a never ending battle and the most frustrating thing is that it is all on me. I did this. I ignored this. And now we are paying for it. It depresses me, it drains me and I don't know what to do.
I remind myself that others have it worse off than us. I try to take deep breaths. I try to pray. Sometimes all that feels so short lived. Quick relief for a sickening feeling.
Today I feel defeated. I wish I had the words today but I just can't.
Dear God, give me strength and courage to get through this difficult time. Help me to trust in You that it will work out. Amen
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