BJ and I have three children. We love them all unconditionally, no question, but there are times when it can be overwhelming. They are 5, 3 1/2, and 1 which are all great but energy consuming ages. Most days I find it hard to keep up with them and if I manage to, I immediately want to crash as soon as they go to bed. Some days they can really drive me crazy but I found something that helps keep the sanity...one-on-one time.
I rarely get the chance to hang out with each kiddo one-on-one. It's tough to do when BJ can't be around a whole lot and when schedules just seem to get busier and busier, but when I do get those chances it is so much fun!
When you become a parent, one of the biggest pieces of advice is to find time for yourself. I completely agree that you need to have your own time but honestly, I think spending one-on-one time with each child is even more of a sanity saver. Especially for moms, as we tend to have separation anxiety and guilt whenever we step out of the house. It's good to know when you need to be alone but to build a relationship with my kids is so much more important to me.
The toughest part is finding time to be with each child. More times than not, I don't even plan for it. That's another thing, I think as moms we feel like we need to have elaborate getaways with our kids to make good memories with them when really it can be as simple as running to the store with one of them or spending a few extra minutes after a doctor's appointment to hang out. I feel like in the long run, they appreciate those more, that you took an extra minute to make sure their recent shot doesn't hurt anymore. I know not every time can work out this way but even once in a blue moon is a step in the right direction. Now, I'm not saying coddle them, that can easily make things worse for all involved! But to be present and to let them know you're here for them.
My best friend has a great quote she gives her kids and I find myself thinking of it often. When her oldest comes to her with a concern he will ask, "Can I tell you something?" and she will always respond with, "You can tell me anything". I love it. Something so simple just to let them know that you are there for them whether it be big or small. My other favorite quote on being engaged with you kids is "Be there for the small stuff because to your children, the small stuff is big. It'll make them want to come to you when the real big stuff starts". I admit I'm not always the best at listening to their every complaint (and I wonder where they get the not listening from) but I'm trying.
Oliver and I seem to have had a lot more opportunities to spend time together with his pre-ops and dental surgery and post-ops. BJ doesn't handle the medical side of things so it's usually me that is taking them which gives us some alone time. Oliver is a pretty cool kid. He has crazy energy and is a bit whiny but when you get him one-on-one he is so sweet and funny. He talks a mile a minute and is so amazed at things I take for granted as an adult.
Nora has taken up a lot of my time as she is the baby and has been hooked to my side for over a year. Our to-do lists revolve around her at the moment as she is the neediest. Love her to death but there are many days I refer to her as a stage-5 clinger because it's impossible to get anything done without her crying to be held. But she makes up for it in kisses and snuggles!
Brynn has been harder to find moments with. I had to take away her grocery shopping privilege due to her recent behavior at the store making it even tougher. We did find time to go the library today, just the two of us, which was good. She can be so sweet when she and Oliver aren't fighting and when she's not competing for attention with Nora. You can definitely tell Brynn is a middle child and I'm trying to remember to include her for more things. She has such a tender heart and loves to help others. She is going to be the one I feel I will butt heads with as she grows up. Good thing I'm learning to keep my cool now!
When I see how difficult it is to spend time with each kiddo, plus alone time, plus time with BJ, plus work, plus normal day to day duties, it's easy to see where it can be overwhelming! And I only have three kids! So my best advice is to not get so caught up in what others are doing parenting-wise or if other kids behave differently than yours. In the end we are all just trying to make it through the next 18 years without screwing them up too badly and keeping hold of whatever sanity we have left. The best thing I can do for my children is to love them and show them how to love others. The world is ugly out there. I want them to know that I am here for them and they don't need to be ugly, hurtful people to get through this life. Be kind.
Dear God, Thank you for our three amazing children and for our baby that was able to be with you early, we still think of him/her often. Help us to become good parents and good role-models in your eyes showing our children what it means to love and not to become distracted by our short comings. Amen
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