Ouch!

Ouch! That's all I can say right now. Ouch!

I decided that today would be as good as any to just stop nursing Nora. Not a good idea! I honestly didn't think it would be this bad since I have only been nursing her in the morning and at bed time. But my goodness, this is ridiculous! Any shift, nudge, tap and I'm wincing in pain, trying not to scream.

This too, shall pass. Lord be with me!

I tried telling BJ it felt probably like the lingering effects of being kicked in the balls and he was quick to assure me that being kicked in the balls was by far worse. I still think this is pretty comparable! A million sharp needles stabbing into my chest. The feeling that one wrong hit would literally make my breasts pop like a water balloon.

I can feel my heart racing a little faster as my breasts continue to fill, hoping that I'll give in and pump or wake Nora up and let her nurse. She would undoubtedly choke on the rush of milk then not want anymore making me have to start all over again.

So why did I decide today? Well, first of all, with Nora's want to play rather than eat, she doesn't latch right and I have had sore blisters for the last month. She also just turned eleven months and we have at least a month's worth of milk still in the freezer. Most of all, I just wanted my freedom back. We have busy weekends coming up and I don't want to have to worry about hiding to feed Nora or scheduling around when she needs to eat or when I need to pump. I'm just at that point where I'm over it. I lasted longer with her than I did with Oliver and Brynn which makes me pretty proud!

There will be plenty of things I will miss, though. My favorite times were when she would fall asleep nursing taking slow, soft suckles, her little lips laying lazily on my breast. The most precious sight of my baby girl! Her little smile she would give me as I tickled her cheek. The way she would get excited, kicking her feet and waving her hands as I got her into position to nurse. They aren't lying when they talk about the bond breastfeeding can create between mother and child. It is a truly amazing gift that I took for granted at times.

Now our baby girl is growing and I can't wait to see what kind of "Blase Crazy" she'll become.

For now, I will suffer the consequences of my quick decision making and hope by morning I'm back to my flattened pancakes! It is disappointing that the time when my breasts are the largest neither I nor my husband can enjoy them!

Dear God, help me to get through this discomfort knowing that there are others suffering more than me. Amen.