“Every day is a great day.”
This is what one of my nursing home patients told me this morning. “Every day is a great day". Immediately after she said this, I felt so much joy for this day. Because not every day is a great day to most. To me. And honestly, the day didn’t really continue to be great. But every time I felt like I was loosing my grip on the greatness of today, I remembered her quote and tried like hell to hang on to it.
You see, this patient does not have it easy right now. If I were her, I would be thinking that the last few days and the next few days would not be great. She is in the nursing home w/ a broken hip. Perfectly with it, witty gal, and she is stuck in the nursing home where no one really wants to be. Her husband is having surgery in a couple days and will also be in the nursing home. And she has enough faith, enough confidence in her time on this planet to know that every day is a great day.
I was able to hang on to that quote for the majority of the day. Even when I went to a home health and the overwhelming smell of stale smoke and fried food engulfed me, I continued to think that today is a great day. This woman also needed my help to improve her physical condition to get stronger and hopefully not end up in the nursing home. So I held my breath and only lightly breathed in when needed and made it through. She was a very sweet woman also which helped tolerate the smell!
I took lunch to my husband and had some time w/ him knowing he would be gone until late tonight. I stopped at the lunch table to tell my son hello and he absolutely melted my heart. He saw me and cried, “MOMMY!” and gave me a hug. A little boy across from him asked if I was his mom and responded very excited and proud, “Yep, that’s my mom!” and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I walked away thinking that those moments are so numbered knowing that it won’t be long before he’s embarrassed of me and refuses to show any affection to me or my husband in front of his friends. I felt like I had finally reached a milestone in our budget. It was a great day.
I held on to “every day is a great day” as I went to pick up my kids. And then the great day gets not so great..…..
I grabbed my son’s backpack and coat to find a note on his cubby. He did not have a great day, a great morning at least. Running w/ scissors, hitting his friends, even “squeezing” his friends. We have been working so hard getting him to keep his hands to himself and to follow instructions. I don’t know if it’s his age, he’s five, or if he really has an issue. We had a discussion when I found him among the chaos that is daycare. We got home and my husband had a discussion w/ him that led to some quiet time in his room. He missed out on video time. And each time we brought up his behavior, he cried. Now I’m not 100% sure he cries for sympathy or that he really honestly feels bad about what he did or that he just really wants to watch his video. I hope it’s because he feels bad but more than likely he’s probably more upset he misses out on tv time. Either way, you hope it’s lesson learned.
Not so fast. An hour after this consequence, he begins throwing toys. After instructions not to throw toys and he continues to throw his toys, the great day I had been able to focus on has now turned into what I call “mommy rage”. All of a sudden I cannot control the volume of my voice and my previously calm feeling is now frustration, anger, exhaustion and I am taking it out on my children. I despise “mommy rage”. Never do I feel more of a failure parent than when I can’t control how I talk to them and put my emotions on them rather than remain calm and stern. Each day I say I will be better with this and each day I feel like I fail. Some days are better than others but there is always a time when I lose it.
All I can do is continue to pray each day and realize that these kids are kids. They are going to act out, they are going to break the rules. What shapes them is how my husband and I respond to their outbursts. When we figure it out, I’ll let you know!
Until then, pray on my friends and remember that every day is a great day.
