Simplicity of the Complex

Since we have begun classes to convert to Catholicism, my brain has been on system overload. In a good way. It's no lie that there is a lot to learn when it comes to the Catholic faith. Just when I feel like my head is going to burst, I realize what it truly means to be Catholic.

Forgiveness. Repentence. Love.

For seeming to have so many rules, the Catholic faith is actually very simple. If you screw up and commit a sin, you repent. You own up to your sin. You become accountable for your actions. The Catholic faith doesn't allow you to cover up your faults and short-comings. That is the amazing part of the faith. We all sin, therefore, no one should feel they are above the other. Whether you are in a different denomination, religion, social class, whatever, no one is above the other.

I realize that there are some Catholics that don't seem to uphold this, but there are people in every denomination, in every religion, in every social class that is guilty of this. Rather than assuming we are forgiven and can feel that weight lifted off our own shoulders, Catholics practice confession. They hold it as a sacrament for a reason. I haven't had the opportunity to go to confession yet, but I look forward to the experience and hope it is everything I have heard about.

The rules that church has are actually rules that make it easier to live our lives. They give us the forgiveness we seek and the love that we desire. It makes talking to God so much easier. I love talking to God in my own way but sometimes I have difficulty finding the words. The prayers of the Catholic faith help me. I understand God knows what's in my heart but I feel making every effort to become closer to Him is so worth it.

Dear God, Thank you for opening our eyes and leading us to the Catholic faith. Let us continue to do your will. Amen.

Dave Ramsey, Here We Come!

It's no secret that my husband and I are not the best financial planners. I am determined to turn that around but my biggest obstacle has been my husband's irritability with my frequent changes. I admit, I do change our system every few months or so but that's because I haven't found the one that really works for us. I would do a half debit card, half cash system. Or I'd do an allowance system. I'd do an obsess over our online account and just stay on top of my husband with how much we have left. Nothing seemed to click and maintain. We were always cut short by the end of the month and I'd end up having to rearrange or take out of savings making building a savings nearly impossible.

I came to the realization this past week that maybe I am just stretching ourselves too thin. I focus too much of the saving and not enough on the reality of what we need, thus causing us to come up short yet again. So I decided the best thing to do would be to switch to an all cash system, Dave Ramsey style. We have a few friends that have gone through it and they have reported a lot less stress with money and have begun paying off debt.

I brough this to BJ and not too surprised, he became annoyed with me. Then I became frustrated with him because he refuses to really sit down and talk to me or walk through this with me. His response is always "I'll do whatever you need me to do". Not exactly a statement of teamwork which is what we've been lacking in the budget department. I really feel that we can do this if we stick with it and work together. I need to do a better job of involving him or at least asking him to sit with me and go through all of the finances and if he says "No, thank you" it's on him.

I don't want this to divide us but to bring us closer together and work together towards goals. I really want us to get through this and actually live instead of constantly depriving ourselves of things that we enjoy. We can do this!

Dear God, give us guidance as we transition our budget (yet again). Help us to open communication and work as a team to accomplish our goals. Amen

Sick Kiddos....The Winter From Hell!

So far, January 2017 has seen the most sickness in our house. The realization that winter has barely begun and the weather is just going to get worse, probably causing more sickness is really gut wrenching. Most of the sickness has been contained to Nora, BJ and myself. Thankfully, Oliver and Brynn have shown immunity to it all!

To start the month, Nora came down with RSV. Respiratory Syncytial Virus, a virus that affects the respiratory tract, can cause problems with breathing in children under the age of 2 (webmd.com). The scary part of RSV is some children end up being hospitalized due to low oxygen saturation. Thankfully, we caught Nora's early enough that her O2 Sats were 98% and her wheezing was decreased with a steriod. Not the oral, mind you! She threw up the oral steroid twice before I finally took her back in to get the shot instead. So much easier to struggle once with the shot rather than waste all the oral steriod by her throwing up.

We went through the breathing treatments and she began sleeping better but was still coughing. After about ten days, the cough finally went away and she was able to return to daycare after a week of being diagnosed. I'm scared to even look at my PTO right now! I am lucky to work in an environment that understands these obstacles and we all do a good job of working together to help make sick days less stressful.

Following Nora's RSV, I came down with a horrible cold followed by BJ. For almost five days I was in bed by 6:30pm. The kids were so amazing during this time because they knew I wasn't feeling good and went to bed easily and quietly even though it was an hour and a half before their usual bedtime. BJ's didn't seem to last quite as long as mine but still just as miserable.

We finally had all the bugs out of the house and then the last two days Nora has been randomly throwing up 

:( We don't know what it's from or what triggers it. She threw up once on Tuesday right before supper but came right back and ate her supper with no trouble. She threw up again last night but after drinking some water, she was fine. I slept with her on the couch just to be sure she didn't throw up again which made it pretty uncomfortable and restless all through the night. We don't know if she ate something as she has had an obsession with the trash lately. Gross. Or if she really has the flu bug. No fever, no fatigue or decreased energy. Just random puking ralleys. 

I am so over disinfecting and spraying and having poor kiddos sick. I am so over winter...

Dear God, Help us get through this season of illness and keep Oliver and Brynn immune! Amen 

Motivated to be a DIY'er

Over the last hour and a half I have become more motivated to become a DIY'er. Why do you ask? What could possibly have happened to make me want to take on projects in my home? Money. We don't have a lot so whatever we have to take out, I feel a painful budget punch in the gut.

Before the plumbers even got started, they gave me a quote of the services I have asked them to do. Already at just under $500, as they work I am told that there will have to extra costs due to the unforeseen work they would have to do. And what can I say to them? No thanks, I want you to leave your work as is and we'll just dig a hole in the backyard? Plumbing work is like Pringles...Once you start, you can't stop!

Next comes the fun of rearranging finances to cover such a cost that is now just under $750. Nothing is worse than the realization that it's so much easier to spend money than it is to save money. Yikes! 

So I am now determined to complete our upstairs bathroom ourselves. I have YouTube, I have Pinterest, I have my dad. All of which could hopefully guide us through this process. It's going to be a Tortoise race where slow but steady wins the race.

Dear God, Give me guidance and will-power to remember things like this need to be done which makes it so much more important to get control of our finances. Amen

My Babies are Growing Up

As a mom, there are many times I look at the kids and just cannot believe how big they are. I realize that gets said a lot, but there is a reason for it! Because it's true! I used to be able to cling on to Nora's still small features and trick myself into thinking my babies are still babies.

Oliver has become so independent. He's dressing himself, getting his own food. The latest independent move has been learning to tie his shoes. It's amazes me how he catches on so quickly to things anymore. One day it seems like he'll never get it whether it be tying his shoes, reading, or riding his bike, and the next he's a pro! He is showing some of my perfectionist traits unfortunately. Hopefully he uses them to his advantage in the future and does a better job of following through with his intentions than I did.

Brynn is my little stylist. She always has to wear a skirt and have her hair done. She is my girly-girl! When I was younger, I loved it when my mom would rub my hair or brush it and now I love doing her's. She was given make-up for Christmas but I'm thinking she may be reacting to it because he face gets blotchy and her eyes get squinty! Poor girl! She is a little mommy and loves to help with Nora, at times a little too much.

Now my little Nora. The baby. I realized today that she will soon be out of diapers as we have started introducing the potty. The thought of never having to buy diapers again is both excitement and sadness. Diapers are the last step of baby-hood. We said good-bye to the bottle, good-bye to the mushed up food, good-bye to having to help her feed herself. Diapers are the end of our baby chapter.

We know we will be done with so many phases now that Nora is getting older and it is such a bittersweet feeling. I've come to the point where I am accepting this. We will have so many more fun memories in the years to come and watching them grow and learn will be awesome!

Dear God, Words can never express how truly gracious to You we are that you blessed us with these three little goof-balls! Help us to guide them and love them as You guide and love us. Amen.

Let the Reaction Begin

I decided, with much regret by my husband on my behalf, to tell my parents we were seriously considering coverting to catholicism when we were home for Christmas. I was ignorant enough to believe I had more pros than cons that it would be the best time to tell them which were:
1) It was Christmas, a time of love and acceptance.
2) It was the year of Mercy.
3) At the time, it was just myself and my parents.
4) It would ward off any questions after Christmas Eve service at our Lutheran church after not receiving communion.
5) It was me.

I always felt that mom and I had a different relationship. Than what? I can't pin-point, but different enough from her and my sisters that she would be more open towards our decision since it was coming from me. I guess I would describe is as a certain type of respect we seem to have towards each other. Obviousy, I may have over-estimated our relationship.

She still wouldn't tell me exactly why she felt this way towards the Catholic church, and that bothered me. I felt that she couldn't so strongly oppose my decision and urge me not to go through with it and then think that I didn't need a reason. To her, she flet like this was the ultimate sign of disrespect that I could have given her. I just really wish she could separate me from the individual that hurt her years ago. I wish she could separate the church from the individual that hurt her. The fact that she can't makes me think it was a priest that made the comments. I would think it would be harder to separate the church from the individual if the individual was someone who was leading the church.

I will give my mom credit, she remained her normal self throughout the rest of the weekend when my sisters started to arrive. She was not hostile, she was not quick tempered. She was her usual self and I'm glad she was. At Christmas Eve service, I asked her if she would prefer if I would receive communion and she said "yes". I was hoping the gesture would calm her down and show her that I'm still me and didn't plan on changing that just because I felt led to join the Catholic church.

As I began to think that maybe all she needed was some time to accept this, I heard the worst sentence a child could ever hear from their parent. As we were getting ready to leave and giving everyone hugs and "thank-you's", I saw my mom tear up. I assumed from the way she had held her cool most of the weekend that she was tearing up because we were heading out. I went to hug her and she tells me "Please, don't do it." What? Along with, "You're breaking my heart." Talk about a slap in the face.

I didn't know what to do or say. I just looked at her and in my head I honestly thought that maybe we shouldn't. That was the first thing I told my husband when we got in the van, "Maybe we shouldn't convert." I was surprised by his reaction, stating that we were doing what we thought was best for our family and if she didn't like it, that was too bad.

I have had nothing but my mom on my mind since. Thinking how I want her to be there when we are entered into the Catholic faith. I want her there to be my mom and to be able to talk to her how I have always been able to talk to her. I understand she was hurt. I want her to find forgiveness. I want her to be more open-minded. I know that's a lot to ask of her. All I can do is pray.

Dear God, help to open my mom's heart and mind so she can respect and support our decision. Help her to find healing for whatever was done to her in the past. Amen