Such a Hypocrite

I am a hypocrite. Shocker. To find someone that isn't a hypocrite in some way would be the real shocker.

As a Christian, I hear "hypocrite" a lot. And I get it. I preach love and can show hate. I preach kindness and begin to gossip. I preach acceptance and show discontent. I say it's not right to judge and I judge on a daily basis. I say often that all a person needs is to love and accept Jesus Christ as their savior, something so simple and black and white, but then add in all these complex grey areas.

I do these things not to be cruel but because the world, society, the flesh gets in the way. Everyday is a battle between good and evil, between God and my flesh. I often wonder how this started. How did I become so wrapped up in what the world thought of me or what my flesh felt I wanted? Thinking back, I don't think there was a pin-pointed time where I automatically switched. Maybe it's because my dad was always comparing himself to others.

My favorite quotes as I've said before "Don't judge others by the outside of their homes" from the Go Forth podcast. Then I heard today, "If you put your struggle into a jar with eight other people, you will ultimately take your struggle out of the jar because their's would seem worse". It's all about perspective and how well you hide your struggles. Is this a good thing, though? We should be expressing our struggles to invite others into our lives and find hope in that.

I feel like I get caught up in seeming like a burden to others and therefore I feel like I constantly need to hold my struggles in and put up a front of everything being perfect. News flash to myself, not everything is perfect all the time. There may be times where I feel like things have fallen into place but there's no guarantee of how long that will last. So why should I judge?

I think that people end up doing cruel things to others because they are unable to control the emotions of having to deal with their own struggles and take it out on others. They exploit others struggles to make theirs seem minimal which ultimately leads to hate and more problems. So begins the vicious cycle of our society. Having that opportunity to say "Well, at least I didn't do that" or "I'm definitely better off than that person" become a goal. That's why I would have moments of being obsessed with "Hoarders" or "Teen Mom" because I felt better about myself by judging the choices of others. Not a very Christian thing to do on a daily basis.

So how do I change this train of thought? Being diligent of thinking how Jesus Christ expects us to act and treat others is a start. To really sit and think of what others could be judging me for causes me to pause and reflect on my actions. I want to turn this on myself and reflect on what I would judge myself on if I was an outsider. What do I want my kids to see me as? How do I want them to see others? To see themselves? How to I begin to be and begin to show others what it truly means to be a follower of Jesus Christ?

Dear God, thank you for helping me push past my fear of being judged when I started this blog. Help me to continue it as a way to become closer to You and to others. Help me to reflect on my past actions to avoid those mistakes in the future. Amen