Never Easy

Things in life can never be easy. There's always a surprise that puts a hiccup in your plans. I am in that hiccup.

I say to myself, "It will all work out" and "stay calm" and "God will get you through it".....But there are some days it all sounds like bullshit. It's not like I've never been in this situation and we haven't made it through those times, but this time around I feel extra vulnerable.

There's nothing I can do but wait, and hope and pray that it ends up being not as bad as I thought. I feel like this has been a never ending battle and the most frustrating thing is that it is all on me. I did this. I ignored this. And now we are paying for it. It depresses me, it drains me and I don't know what to do.

I remind myself that others have it worse off than us. I try to take deep breaths. I try to pray. Sometimes all that feels so short lived. Quick relief for a sickening feeling.

Today I feel defeated. I wish I had the words today but I just can't.

Dear God, give me strength and courage to get through this difficult time. Help me to trust in You that it will work out. Amen