I remember when my husband and I were dating and I went over to his house after class to hang out and the first thing he asked me was, "How was your day?". His roommate was in the room and he jokingly scoffed at him and said, "That's all you have to say?". We both laughed it off, somewhat uncomfortably because neither of us really knew how to respond and we were both nervous to actually talk about our day.
I'm not going to lie, at first I was upset. I kept thinking that we should be having these great, in-depth conversations all the time. Solving the world's problems, really digging into each others hopes and dreams. Surely we could make every moment that way, right? Ha!
Fast forward fifteen years later and he still asks me about my day. That hasn't changed. What has changed is my feeling towards such a simple question. I appreciate it. Sure, most of the time I give the generic "It was fine" response because nothing too exciting had happened. Then there are days that I give a little more information, good or bad, and he listens. He tells me his details of the day if needed and I listen.
Listening has been the key. We both have had to mature and learn in the listening department. When I'd be complaining about a particularly hard day or event, he used to feel the need to solve my problem and then we'd both get frustrated because that's not what I was looking for and he didn't know how to solve it in the first place. I expressed to him that I wasn't looking for a solution, I was merely getting issues off my chest and out in the open so that I could process the situation better. He's learned to just listen and be there for me and I've learned to communicate if I need his help or if I am ok working it out on my own.
It might be a generic question and it might be more rhetorical some days, but the day he stops asking how my day was is the day that I will worry. Worry for him that he's being distracted by something else going on. Worry for us that we just don't care to ask anymore. I hope that day never comes because we've had some really great conversations starting with that simple question. We want to be involved in each others' lives and are there for each other no matter how big or small the moment.
As the kids get older and we're catching each other as we're running ragged, I pray we always find the time to ask each other, "How was your day?".
Sunday, December 2, 2018
Saturday, December 1, 2018
A Mellowed Out Clean Freak
I have always been a person who took pride in a clean, well organized space. I would make time most weekends to make sure every item was in it's rightful spot. Not a lot of people enjoy cleaning out junk drawers in their spare time but I find it to be a calming exercise to start with a disorganized heap and turn it into a well categorized system. I love it!
Then I had a family...
I love my husband and he is so good to me and the kids but sometimes I really want to rip into him that not every room in the house can be his bedroom. Clothes are everywhere, papers are scattered, nothing is in it's proper location. It's a problem for me.
As for our children, their organization gene has not kicked in yet. Every now and again I see a glimpse of it and as soon as I get goosebumps showing them how amazing it could be, they've lost complete interest and I'm left to organize the toy room on my own once again. Oh, I've threatened to throw out all their toys and I've expressed many times how I will likely loose my shit if things aren't put away, nothing seems to really bring them over the edge into my world. This is probably a good thing because, let's be honest, they would more likely have a different system that I wouldn't approve of anyway and then there'd be the butting of heads, the yelling, the throwing.
I will say though, that I have gotten extremely better over the last five years or so. I don't know if it's from having a third child or that the older kids are becoming more involved in activities that I just don't have the energy or time to allow such dramatic cleaning. I can now look in a toy box and not completely freak out that the Barbies are mixed in with the kitchen set items. Or that the books are sitting upside down in the bookshelf and not right-side up, hey, at least they're in the bookshelf! Don't get me wrong, there are stills days every now and then where everything MUST be put in it's proper place and I will spend hours getting it straightened out, telling myself over and over that it's a pointless task as our three year old will have it mixed up again within half an hour.
It's been a long process but I have begun to realize that having a spotless home is not nearly as important and being able to relax with my family. This last summer was a great season of allowing myself to let the cleaning take a far back seat to making memories with my loved ones. Going to the pool, walking on the trail, just being outside almost all day was even more exhilarating to me than organizing. It felt liberating to let that go.
I haven't turned a full 180 and you will most certainly see me balking at a sign that reads anything remotely close to "A Dirty House Is A House Of Love". Come on. I still require one Saturday a month to complete a deep cleaning of the house. My husband knows to entertain the kids and stay out of my way for that one day. If they want to help, I'm all for it and if not, please stay out of my way. They are beginning to understand how mommy works!
One of these years, they all will have it figured out and I won't have to spend an entire day dusting and vacuuming and mopping by myself. Until then, this is my thing and as long as I keep it balanced and try to remind myself that things don't have to be perfect, we will all survive!
Then I had a family...
I love my husband and he is so good to me and the kids but sometimes I really want to rip into him that not every room in the house can be his bedroom. Clothes are everywhere, papers are scattered, nothing is in it's proper location. It's a problem for me.
As for our children, their organization gene has not kicked in yet. Every now and again I see a glimpse of it and as soon as I get goosebumps showing them how amazing it could be, they've lost complete interest and I'm left to organize the toy room on my own once again. Oh, I've threatened to throw out all their toys and I've expressed many times how I will likely loose my shit if things aren't put away, nothing seems to really bring them over the edge into my world. This is probably a good thing because, let's be honest, they would more likely have a different system that I wouldn't approve of anyway and then there'd be the butting of heads, the yelling, the throwing.
I will say though, that I have gotten extremely better over the last five years or so. I don't know if it's from having a third child or that the older kids are becoming more involved in activities that I just don't have the energy or time to allow such dramatic cleaning. I can now look in a toy box and not completely freak out that the Barbies are mixed in with the kitchen set items. Or that the books are sitting upside down in the bookshelf and not right-side up, hey, at least they're in the bookshelf! Don't get me wrong, there are stills days every now and then where everything MUST be put in it's proper place and I will spend hours getting it straightened out, telling myself over and over that it's a pointless task as our three year old will have it mixed up again within half an hour.
It's been a long process but I have begun to realize that having a spotless home is not nearly as important and being able to relax with my family. This last summer was a great season of allowing myself to let the cleaning take a far back seat to making memories with my loved ones. Going to the pool, walking on the trail, just being outside almost all day was even more exhilarating to me than organizing. It felt liberating to let that go.
I haven't turned a full 180 and you will most certainly see me balking at a sign that reads anything remotely close to "A Dirty House Is A House Of Love". Come on. I still require one Saturday a month to complete a deep cleaning of the house. My husband knows to entertain the kids and stay out of my way for that one day. If they want to help, I'm all for it and if not, please stay out of my way. They are beginning to understand how mommy works!
One of these years, they all will have it figured out and I won't have to spend an entire day dusting and vacuuming and mopping by myself. Until then, this is my thing and as long as I keep it balanced and try to remind myself that things don't have to be perfect, we will all survive!
Friday, November 30, 2018
The Beginning of a Great Day
There are three things that I must do everyday in order to have a solid, positive outlook on all that comes my way day to day.
1. Find alone time to pray. I have found that waking up an hour before the rest of the clan to take time to pray the Holy Rosary and to focus on my Bible readings helps me remember my blessings and puts me in a positive mood for the rest of the day. The Rosary especially helps as it puts Christianity in perspective for me as I pray any of the 5 Mysteries and realize all that lead to the ultimate sacrifice Jesus became so that we could be saved. Every problem that arises throughout the day seems small potatoes compared to what Christ had to endure.
2. I work out. I am definitely not a Beachbody mom but I realize I do need daily exercise in my life. I do work in Physical Therapy afterall! I'm not looking into running any marathons or have any expectations for a six pack anymore. I'm just trying to get my sweat on! If I do this early on in the day it frees up so much more time to focus on other tasks instead of stressing when I'm going to squeeze a quick workout in which usual results in not squeezing a quick workout in.
3. The checkbook matches the bank statement! I praise the Lord when this happens!!! It's taken a lot of practice, will power, sacrifice, and prayer to keep us in the black this last year. I was used to working 30-40 hours for all of my adult life and when we moved to Central City I was faced with a whopping 12 hours. Trust me, this was not because I wanted to work less or wanted to make drastic changes to our lifestyle, that's just all that was available in my field. We've adapted well and although I'd like to see even more numbers in the black, I realize this is a work in progress and the unexpected will occur so everyday that we are in sync with the bank is a day that I'm so much happier!
If I can manage to accomplish these three simple acts, and the earlier in the day the better, I am so much more grateful for the day that lies ahead. I'm not yelling as much. I'm not as annoyed with the little things. I'm so much more at peace.
The days I decide to sleep in or take a day off is a day of worry. If I miss my prayer time, I feel lost. If I miss my workout, I feel irritated. If I forget to check our accounts, I get paranoid. It's no fun for anyone. I intend to keep up my early morning routine everyday. With only working 12 hours a week I'm sure I can sneak a nap in there somewhere if needed ;)
1. Find alone time to pray. I have found that waking up an hour before the rest of the clan to take time to pray the Holy Rosary and to focus on my Bible readings helps me remember my blessings and puts me in a positive mood for the rest of the day. The Rosary especially helps as it puts Christianity in perspective for me as I pray any of the 5 Mysteries and realize all that lead to the ultimate sacrifice Jesus became so that we could be saved. Every problem that arises throughout the day seems small potatoes compared to what Christ had to endure.
2. I work out. I am definitely not a Beachbody mom but I realize I do need daily exercise in my life. I do work in Physical Therapy afterall! I'm not looking into running any marathons or have any expectations for a six pack anymore. I'm just trying to get my sweat on! If I do this early on in the day it frees up so much more time to focus on other tasks instead of stressing when I'm going to squeeze a quick workout in which usual results in not squeezing a quick workout in.
3. The checkbook matches the bank statement! I praise the Lord when this happens!!! It's taken a lot of practice, will power, sacrifice, and prayer to keep us in the black this last year. I was used to working 30-40 hours for all of my adult life and when we moved to Central City I was faced with a whopping 12 hours. Trust me, this was not because I wanted to work less or wanted to make drastic changes to our lifestyle, that's just all that was available in my field. We've adapted well and although I'd like to see even more numbers in the black, I realize this is a work in progress and the unexpected will occur so everyday that we are in sync with the bank is a day that I'm so much happier!
If I can manage to accomplish these three simple acts, and the earlier in the day the better, I am so much more grateful for the day that lies ahead. I'm not yelling as much. I'm not as annoyed with the little things. I'm so much more at peace.
The days I decide to sleep in or take a day off is a day of worry. If I miss my prayer time, I feel lost. If I miss my workout, I feel irritated. If I forget to check our accounts, I get paranoid. It's no fun for anyone. I intend to keep up my early morning routine everyday. With only working 12 hours a week I'm sure I can sneak a nap in there somewhere if needed ;)
Thursday, November 29, 2018
Prove Myself Right
"I can do this....I can do this....I can do this"
This is my new mantra. I have scared myself away from writing for too long and I fully intend to get back into it. I have a new set of rules though.
1. Write EVERY DAY. They say practice makes perfect....time to test if it's relevant to my writing.
2. Write for me, not someone else whether it be readers or publishers. This is me. You don't like it, find another blog to follow.
3. Be real. There's no sugar coating in this life.
These are my main goals to get back into writing and to silence the little voice inside my head telling me I am not good enough. I know I am. I just need practice. Writing will now be in my daily schedule just as much as any other obligation during my day. Some posts might be good, some might be horrible. Some could be funny, some could be moaning and groaning. Who knows! I have no other expectations except for those three above.
Strap in....this could be a bumpy ride....
This is my new mantra. I have scared myself away from writing for too long and I fully intend to get back into it. I have a new set of rules though.
1. Write EVERY DAY. They say practice makes perfect....time to test if it's relevant to my writing.
2. Write for me, not someone else whether it be readers or publishers. This is me. You don't like it, find another blog to follow.
3. Be real. There's no sugar coating in this life.
These are my main goals to get back into writing and to silence the little voice inside my head telling me I am not good enough. I know I am. I just need practice. Writing will now be in my daily schedule just as much as any other obligation during my day. Some posts might be good, some might be horrible. Some could be funny, some could be moaning and groaning. Who knows! I have no other expectations except for those three above.
Strap in....this could be a bumpy ride....
Sunday, May 7, 2017
Who Am I Trying to Impress?
I love my family. We would do anything for each other. But there are times when one of us truly puts our passions to use, there tends to be a bit of doubt, a bit of resistance, among the others. I've been guilty of this and have felt it bite me in the butt. I should know better. Especially where I have personally felt it before as well.
When one of my older sisters told us she was going to do body competitions, I thought she was crazy. Why on earth would she want to parade around and have others judge her over how she looks? Then she went out and placed in every competition she was in! I was not nice about it in the beginning and I regret that so much because she is such an amazing woman and instead of praising her passions, I ridiculed them. Shame on me.
Now it's come back to haunt me. I've said before how I did not intend on being on the career path I am today. Still, I think of that often, but there's not much I can actively do about it now. My dream career was brushed aside because I had others in my family tell me it wouldn't work. "Why would you want to do that?" was the response I would get and I didn't have an answer. To say that I felt "called" to do something was hard for me to admit. It sounded silly to me and I knew members of my family would feel I was being silly and not thinking logically. So I shut up and I did what brought acceptance. Stupid on my part.
Well now, I am pursuing a passion of mine and am still getting grief from family. I am still hearing the "Why would you want to do that?" expression. And I still don't have an answer. At least not that would bring about acceptance. I love to write. I love to read. I brought my two loves together and started my "52 Weeks, 52 Books" blog. I've gotten a lot of compliments on it but it still bugs me that the one person I am so desperate to accept my passion continues to give me the "Why would you want to do that?" line. More frustrating is that I'm consumed by it negatively. Immediately I thought to myself "Is this a stupid idea?" and "Maybe I shouldn't do this". Then my mood goes bad, my husband thinks I'm mad at him and all hell breaks loose!
I didn't even mention my other blog to them. No use getting shot down twice. I needed to maintain some sort of dignity in one day! And you can bet that I wasn't going to tell them the real reason I started this blog. As I've said in previous blogs, it's to practice my writing skills to finally do what has been a dream of mine since junior high. I want to publish a novel. Why haven't I completed this goal? Because in the back of my screwed-up head, I hear the phrase, "Why would you want to do that?" and I crap my pants and avoid the computer!
A part of me thinks that if I would just buckle down and do it, it could get published and I could finally say that I accomplished something that I have been dreaming about. It's not just a fear of failure. It's a fear of having the people that I know, that love me unconditionally, will think that I can't do it. It's hard to explain. I honestly don't even know if having it published, if it even would be, would be enough proof that I do have a gift. A love that I rarely let out because of what others will think of it. I need to get over that. This is the week!
Dear God, Keep the fire in my heart. Keep the voices out of my head. Lead me. Amen
When one of my older sisters told us she was going to do body competitions, I thought she was crazy. Why on earth would she want to parade around and have others judge her over how she looks? Then she went out and placed in every competition she was in! I was not nice about it in the beginning and I regret that so much because she is such an amazing woman and instead of praising her passions, I ridiculed them. Shame on me.
Now it's come back to haunt me. I've said before how I did not intend on being on the career path I am today. Still, I think of that often, but there's not much I can actively do about it now. My dream career was brushed aside because I had others in my family tell me it wouldn't work. "Why would you want to do that?" was the response I would get and I didn't have an answer. To say that I felt "called" to do something was hard for me to admit. It sounded silly to me and I knew members of my family would feel I was being silly and not thinking logically. So I shut up and I did what brought acceptance. Stupid on my part.
Well now, I am pursuing a passion of mine and am still getting grief from family. I am still hearing the "Why would you want to do that?" expression. And I still don't have an answer. At least not that would bring about acceptance. I love to write. I love to read. I brought my two loves together and started my "52 Weeks, 52 Books" blog. I've gotten a lot of compliments on it but it still bugs me that the one person I am so desperate to accept my passion continues to give me the "Why would you want to do that?" line. More frustrating is that I'm consumed by it negatively. Immediately I thought to myself "Is this a stupid idea?" and "Maybe I shouldn't do this". Then my mood goes bad, my husband thinks I'm mad at him and all hell breaks loose!
I didn't even mention my other blog to them. No use getting shot down twice. I needed to maintain some sort of dignity in one day! And you can bet that I wasn't going to tell them the real reason I started this blog. As I've said in previous blogs, it's to practice my writing skills to finally do what has been a dream of mine since junior high. I want to publish a novel. Why haven't I completed this goal? Because in the back of my screwed-up head, I hear the phrase, "Why would you want to do that?" and I crap my pants and avoid the computer!
A part of me thinks that if I would just buckle down and do it, it could get published and I could finally say that I accomplished something that I have been dreaming about. It's not just a fear of failure. It's a fear of having the people that I know, that love me unconditionally, will think that I can't do it. It's hard to explain. I honestly don't even know if having it published, if it even would be, would be enough proof that I do have a gift. A love that I rarely let out because of what others will think of it. I need to get over that. This is the week!
Dear God, Keep the fire in my heart. Keep the voices out of my head. Lead me. Amen
Tuesday, April 25, 2017
Own It
How many times a day do I blame someone or something else for my misfortunes? Probably more than I'd like to admit. Just recently I started thinking about what it means to have an "own it" attitude. It's so easy for me to blame others or circumstances when I mess up and instead of truly fixing the problem, I choose to ignore it and hope it doesn't come along again. But, guess what, the problem always returns and I am always at a loss as to how it happened again. Ignorance isn't always bliss, people!
Blaming others is the coward's way out. It helps you refuse to become accountable to your own actions. For example, "I'm in a career I don't enjoy because my parents wouldn't let me choose the major I wanted". Not so much. My parents honestly wouldn't have cared what career choice I made if I enjoyed it. Instead, I kept with the major I initially had while at UNL and became a lesser version of it. Not that I don't enjoy my job, but I could see myself doing something more. My fault, not my parents.
Another example, "We never have enough money". Again it's easy for me to point the fingers at others rather than realize it is I that need to do a better job of managing. I can't recall the individual, I want to say Dave Ramsey, but a certain quote has stood out to me for awhile "It's not about how much you make, it's about how well you manage" and has helped me get our budget in track. I could blame my husband for spending money on items but in reality, it's my lack of communication that makes him think it's ok to do. I could blame my parents for not teaching me more about money management but it easily could have done nothing for me still. I could blame bills! Especially those surprise ones.
Yet anther example, "My children never behave". Well, maybe it's because I didn't make them a priority when we were together or didn't give them enough attention. When they do misbehave it's usually because I'm being selfish and forget their most basic needs of love and attention.
I really could go on and on unfortunately.
So here's what I've decided to do. I've decided to "own it". On every matter listed above as well as those that I didn't list. Whatever decision I make, I need to take a moment to reflect and think to myself, "Can I own this?". We'll see how this can change my perspective!
Dear God, thank you for all the blessings you have given us. Help me to own my decisions and to take time to communicate with my husband and others as well as make time for others and put my own selfish needs aside. Amen
Blaming others is the coward's way out. It helps you refuse to become accountable to your own actions. For example, "I'm in a career I don't enjoy because my parents wouldn't let me choose the major I wanted". Not so much. My parents honestly wouldn't have cared what career choice I made if I enjoyed it. Instead, I kept with the major I initially had while at UNL and became a lesser version of it. Not that I don't enjoy my job, but I could see myself doing something more. My fault, not my parents.
Another example, "We never have enough money". Again it's easy for me to point the fingers at others rather than realize it is I that need to do a better job of managing. I can't recall the individual, I want to say Dave Ramsey, but a certain quote has stood out to me for awhile "It's not about how much you make, it's about how well you manage" and has helped me get our budget in track. I could blame my husband for spending money on items but in reality, it's my lack of communication that makes him think it's ok to do. I could blame my parents for not teaching me more about money management but it easily could have done nothing for me still. I could blame bills! Especially those surprise ones.
Yet anther example, "My children never behave". Well, maybe it's because I didn't make them a priority when we were together or didn't give them enough attention. When they do misbehave it's usually because I'm being selfish and forget their most basic needs of love and attention.
I really could go on and on unfortunately.
So here's what I've decided to do. I've decided to "own it". On every matter listed above as well as those that I didn't list. Whatever decision I make, I need to take a moment to reflect and think to myself, "Can I own this?". We'll see how this can change my perspective!
Dear God, thank you for all the blessings you have given us. Help me to own my decisions and to take time to communicate with my husband and others as well as make time for others and put my own selfish needs aside. Amen
Tuesday, February 28, 2017
Since When Did We All Become So Serious?
Seriously, when did we, as a nation, become so serious? You have to walk on egg-shells around anyone and everyone in fear of offending someone in the slightest. I understand it's no fun when your feelings get hurt, trust me, I've been there, but it has made us into such thin-skinned whiney brats that feel like the world is out to hurt us and only us.
I came to this realization this morning as I was getting Oliver dressed for school. It's Dr. Seuss week and each day they have a theme and today was "Crazy Day". They could wear crazy clothes, have crazy hair, etc. Oliver thought it would be funny to wear one of Brynn's tutu skirts. He paired it with a basketball shirt and his usual sweatpants that made me instantly think of Jim Carey from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. His hair was in a spiked mohawk and he definitely did look crazy!
Yet the fun of it all left me when I realized, I actually have to worried about him choosing to wear a skirt. How ridiculously frustrating! Here we are, thinking he's just being silly and we actually have to think that we might offend someone who is "confused" about whether or not they are a boy or a girl. It really irritates me that kids can't be silly without individuals turning it into such a serious, illogical, disturbance.
I think of high school pep rally's that I've seen or been a part of were girls are dressed as the guys or vice-versa. My husband in high school dressed as an old lady with a friend for homecoming. But here we are. In an age where everyone gets so sensitive that I actually have to think of my son's safety and reputation because he was just trying to make other kids laugh at the thought that he would wear his sister's skirt.
I'm actually surprised I didn't get a phone call saying I needed to bring him home to change because he was hurting another child's feelings. I honestly think that's the difference of small towns vs big cities. We can still be silly!
I came to this realization this morning as I was getting Oliver dressed for school. It's Dr. Seuss week and each day they have a theme and today was "Crazy Day". They could wear crazy clothes, have crazy hair, etc. Oliver thought it would be funny to wear one of Brynn's tutu skirts. He paired it with a basketball shirt and his usual sweatpants that made me instantly think of Jim Carey from Ace Ventura: Pet Detective. His hair was in a spiked mohawk and he definitely did look crazy!
Yet the fun of it all left me when I realized, I actually have to worried about him choosing to wear a skirt. How ridiculously frustrating! Here we are, thinking he's just being silly and we actually have to think that we might offend someone who is "confused" about whether or not they are a boy or a girl. It really irritates me that kids can't be silly without individuals turning it into such a serious, illogical, disturbance.
I think of high school pep rally's that I've seen or been a part of were girls are dressed as the guys or vice-versa. My husband in high school dressed as an old lady with a friend for homecoming. But here we are. In an age where everyone gets so sensitive that I actually have to think of my son's safety and reputation because he was just trying to make other kids laugh at the thought that he would wear his sister's skirt.
I'm actually surprised I didn't get a phone call saying I needed to bring him home to change because he was hurting another child's feelings. I honestly think that's the difference of small towns vs big cities. We can still be silly!
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